


Because of Her

by Mistyshadows



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Because of Reasons, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hydra (Marvel), Immortality, Language, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve is a clueless cutie, Temporary Amnesia, The Avengers - Freeform, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, World War II, bruce just wanna science, clint is papa bear, obviously, reader is kinda bitchy, tony is an asshole tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:16:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistyshadows/pseuds/Mistyshadows
Summary: James Barnes' past was easy to describe: former soldier, experiment, assassin. He clung to his memories as long as he could, but in the end, it was futile. He became the monster Hydra had created.She was a different side to the same coin: nurse, experiment, immortal. She watched the world evolve and become what we know today.Their past intertwined and eventually they came together once more. The question is... Who are they now?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't how it happened (yes, I've seen the movies and in fact I read the comics), but this IS a fanfiction, so anything goes. Sorry if I disappointed you, but I was just writing what I had in my head. This is when Bucky wakes up from being in cyro. Actually, I'm not totally sure why he lost his memories again… I'm open to comments and suggestions, but please, don't be rude. I tried my best, and I'm actually sorta proud of this.

"Bucky? Bucky, can you hear me?"  
  
A pair of sapphire blue eyes edged open slowly. Where was he?  
  
The man tried to sit up, but something was restraining him. He glanced down to see several metal bars holding him against a cold surface. He pushed at them with mismatched arms, but they held fast, immovable. He was trapped.  
  
Mismatched arms? The man stared at the flesh and bone of his right arm, then to the silver metal of the left. Testing it, he moved the fingers. They moved as if it were the real thing. That's odd, he thought, twitching the muscles in his real arm.  
  
"Bucky?"  
  
The dark blue eyes snapped up to who had spoken.  
  
A blond young man, probably in his mid-twenties, stood above him. He was devilishly handsome, and looked as if someone had created him. He was familiar, too, like a long lost friend, but no matter how hard the man tried to think, he couldn't remember where he had seen him before.  
  
"Who is Bucky?" the captive man asked with a low growl.  
  
Pain flickered behind the blond man's bright eyes. "You are James Buchanan Barnes, but I've always called you Bucky. Don't you remember?"  
  
"I am… Bucky?" the man asked, eyebrows kitting together.  
  
"Yes." The blond man sighed in relief. "You are Bucky."  
  
Bucky. Hmm. It sounded foreign, but familiar like the blond man at the same time. "Then who are you?"  
  
"My name is Steve. Steve Rogers. We are best friends, Bucky. Don't you remember anything?"  
  
Bucky tried to think. He tried to swim through the blackness of his memories, trying to find any clue as to who he was. "No…" There. A face.  
  
"Something?" Steve asked hopefully.  
  
Bucky nodded once and tried to focus. His head began to ache, but he ignored it. It was a woman- no, a girl, really. She was young, and although her face was still a bit blurry, Bucky could tell she was beautiful. Was it simply the fearful, heavy thumping in his chest, or a true memory trying to surface?  
  
"A young woman." Bucky struggled to find the words. The dull ache in his head had become a sharp pain in his temple. "She's… important."  
  
Steve's shoulders sagged slightly as if he already knew the answer. "A woman? Who is she?"  
  
Bucky closed his eyes and brought her back to the edge of memory. The image gradually grew clearer, and he could see her (h/c) hair pulled back and braided, an intelligent half-smile gracing her face. She wore a long, satin blue dress that hugged her form. She was more than beautiful; she was nearly a goddess.  
  
"(Y/n)!" Bucky gasped at last, his head feeling like it was on fire. His eyes opened to Steve, who was watching him carefully. "Do you know her?"  
  
Steve sighed, and another flicker of hurt flashed in his eyes. "(Y/n) is probably already gone, Bucky."  
  
"Already gone? But she's so young!" Bucky threw himself against the bars still holding him down.  
  
Steve wetted his lips nervously, contemplating telling Bucky. The poor man had no memories, why should he hurt him with these? The fact was, he had no memories, and he deserved to know.  
  
"(Y/n) was a friend of ours back before a war. We served, you and I, in the war. Does that trigger anything?"  
  
Bucky let his mind wander in the darkness again, trying to pick up any information he might recover. Something was there, and he tried to explain it as quickly as possible. "Water. There's no edge to it, it just lasts forever. Its somewhere up high, and it looks cold." He stopped abruptly, panting from the strain. "Tell me more about (y/n)."  
  
Steve nodded. "We were at a party, and you were drunk. All the ladies were hanging over you, but one girl in particular caught your eye." He paused. "Her name was (y/n). I remember her wearing a blue dress, mostly because you didn't shut up about it for the next two weeks.  
  
"I think she caught your eye because she didn't hang over you. In fact, she seemed to avoid you. You didn't like that." Steve chuckled, lost in the memory Bucky no longer had. Bucky had the feeling, he realized, of a girl just out of reach, even if he couldn't remember the experience itself. "Eventually, you cornered her into talking to you.  
  
"Two minutes later, she slapped you, and left. I don't know what was said, but you came back laughing. 'I like her,' you said. 'She's got spunk, doesn't she?' I said, 'I see that. I also saw that slap she gave you, Bucky.' You only laughed more. I think it was that she hit you that made you fall in love with her."  
  
Bucky sat in thought. "When I saw her in my head, she had on a blue dress. Do you think…?"  
  
"Do I think its the same? Probably. That was your first memory of her; I wouldn't doubt it would be the first for you to remember.

"A few weeks later, you had dragged me to yet another party, and again, girls followed you around. You didn't even seem to care. You were looking for the girl from the other party.  
  
"It was late, and I had finally convinced you that we should head home, when you found her. I practically had to drag you out, but not before she saw you.  
  
"You tried to talk to her again, but this time, she didn't slap you; she poured her drink down your trousers. Somehow before that, you got her name, and you wouldn't stop mumbling it the entire way home."  
  
"Did I love her?" Bucky asked, trying to lean forward.  
  
"I can't answer that. Some memories need to come back on their own. I probably shouldn't have told you that to begin with."  
  
Bucky tried to lean forward again, but the restraints held him back, unyielding to his need. "Did she love me?"  
  
"I can't answer that either. I have to let you at least try to remember a little." Steve sighed apologetically.  
  
Bucky groaned, throwing his head back against the surface he was strapped to.  
  
"I'm sorry, Bucky. I know its difficult, but I need to you bear with me, okay? We can get through this, together."  
  
Slowly becoming numb to his emotions, Bucky only nodded. Hoping Steve would get the idea, he closed his eyes, shutting himself off from the world. Or at least what little he knew of it. He heard Steve sigh quietly, then the blond's chair squeak as he stood and left.  
  
Bucky was alone.


	2. Chapter 2

_Can I do this? Can I really ask her to dinner tonight?_ Bucky thought, tugging at his collar. He was so nervous he wondered if she could hear his pounding heart. _How will she react?_  
  
Steeling himself, he knocked quietly. He could hear shouting and what sounded like something glass shattering. The shouting died down, turning into slamming doors from within. When no one answered the door, he knocked again, only slightly louder.  
  
The door flung open almost instantly.  
  
(Y/n) stood in the doorway, arms crossed. Her red-rimmed (e/c) eyes were narrowed dangerously, and for a moment, Bucky wondered if she would murder him.  
  
"What do you want, James?" she half-growled, saying his name as if it were a curse. She had the semblance of annoyance, but in her eyes James saw wariness.  
  
"I- I wanted to see you," he stuttered, in shock. Impossibly, she looked even more beautiful now than she did the night before. She stood in a pale yellow dress, and although her makeup was smudged as if she had been crying, she looked more lovely by the moment.  
  
Her eyes softened slightly, but not much. She looked wary, but no longer looked murderous. "Why?"  
  
"I just wanted to know, if you wanted, maybe you could come to dinner with me tonight?"  
  
"Tonight?" Her wall was crumbling. A faint smile flickered on her lips.  
  
"Yeah. I mean, yes."  
  
She tried to act nonchalant, but failed as her face erupted into a full smile. "I guess I don't really have much to do around here." She paused, glancing behind herself for a moment. The fighting had resumed from inside the apartment, but it was muffled by the sound of another door slamming. A woman began to cry. "Hmm. I wouldn't be ready until, say, seven?"  
  
_Two hours,_ Bucky thought. _Two hours, and I can spend time with who will be my best girl._  
  
"Alright. I'll pick you up at seven, then?"  
  
(Y/n) bit her lip, nodding. "Sounds good."  
  
A young girl appeared at (y/n)'s side, her eyes wide and scared. She held a stuffed rabbit by the foot. "(Nickname), Mama's crying."  
  
(Y/n) looked down. "I know, Evie, I hear her. Why don't you go see if she wants to hold Bun-Bun?"  
  
The little girl held her stuffed animal up for inspection. "We just had tea, and I spilled some on Bun-Bun. I don't want Mama to get any on her dress."  
  
"That's very thoughtful, Evie, but I don't think Mama will mind." (Y/n) spoke quietly to the child, but what surprised Bucky was that she spoke as if she were speaking to an equal, not just her little sister.  
  
Evie turned to Bucky, finally noticing him at the door. "Who're you?" She gasped, jaw dropping. "Are you (y/n)'s _boyfriend_?"  
  
He bent on one knee so he could speak to her, face-to-face. "My name is-"  
  
"James," (y/n) warned, shaking her head. "I think its best for you to go now. I'll see you later."  
  
Bucky blinked quickly, standing. "Oh. Okay. See you at seven."  
  
"See you." She rolled her eyes, but she had a faint smile as she shut the door. Bucky had never been happier.  


* * *

  
  
Bucky woke with a start. A memory! He scrambled for the black notebook Steve had left him to record anything that had come back, no matter how insignificant.  
  
He struggled to find a blank page, having filled most of the book already with his re-emerging memories. It held everything from his days as a sergeant to when he was under HYDRA's influence as the Winter Soldier.  
  
Bucky had been worried the dream would fade away, that the details would become blurred, but if anything they grew stronger.  
  
The old clock on the wall read ten when the door opened, and Steve came in. "How are you this morning, Bucky?"  
  
"I remembered something: I asked (y/n) on a date, and she said yes. It was so vivid."  
  
Steve chuckled. "You asked her out a lot, Bucky. All the time; give me details."  
  
"She didn't like me at first, but I think she changed her mind after a few minutes. She said yes, Steve!" He had grown excited, and was rapidly tapping his foot on the floor as he tried to contain himself. "Then her little sister came out and was talking about a stuffed rabbit."  
  
"That's probably the first time you asked her out then. The seven o'clock date, right?"  
  
"Yes!" He stood, and tried to walk to Steve. The restraints on his legs tripped him, and he fell. "Goddamn it."  
  
"Language," Steve muttered, almost to himself, standing to help Bucky up. His best friend was finally coming back to him, even if it were in bits and pieces.  
  
Pushing Steve's hand away, Bucky lifted himself back up, and was quiet again. "Did… did she ever love me?"  
  
"She loved you with every breath in her body, Bucky. I just don't think she would have admitted it to save her life."  
  
He sat silent for a moment. "Why did she call me James instead of 'Bucky' like you do?"  
  
"I suppose she called you that because its not what everyone else called you."  
  
Bucky leaned forward. "I want to see her. I need to see that she's real."  
  
"I know, Bucky, I know." Steve sighed. "I will do all I can to find her, Bucky. I swear it." He stood, checking his watch regretfully. "I have to go now. I can call up some friends that can help me find her."  
  
"Steve?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Steve smiled. "Of course, Bucky."


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of weeks later, Bucky was allowed to roam free in his room. Having retained many memories, he could now begin to remember the war, his life in New York, and Steve. He could recall his parents' names, and the street where he lived. Sometimes, he would even remember being the Winter Soldier.  
  
Steve visited every day, and occasionally he would bring one of the "friends" he had spoken of.  
  
Natasha Romanoff, a beautiful red-haired woman, was the first. She was quiet, but powerful. Bucky could sense her silent fury at the world. She was an assassin, if his returning memories were correct, just like him.  
  
Bruce Banner was also quiet, but he had a gentleness about him. He was a scientist, but Bucky did not fear him. He helped people, unlike those at HYDRA. There were short glimpses of Bruce stored somewhere in his head, and most involved him as a giant green monster. Bucky didn't know if he could trust those thoughts.  
  
Thor was excitable and loud. Bucky hadn't met him before, he didn't think. Apparently, he was the Norse god of thunder, and heir to the throne on his planet. He was a bit too energetic, and often broke something accidentally.  
  
Sam Wilson. The instant he came in, Bucky knew him. He didn't have any doubts about the man. Friendly but annoying, Sam was in several of Bucky's returning memories.  
  
Clint was deemed a good guy from the moment he stepped into the room. Sarcastic, and a bit hawkish, Bucky liked him immediately. There was something… friendly about him.  
  
T'Challa was apparently a king, and spoke with a heavy accent. Within his memories, Bucky remembered him as both a threat and a savior.  
  
Nick Fury was interesting. Bucky had recognized him as one of his former targets when he was the Winter Soldier. Fury lived up to his name and the spotted memories Bucky had retained. Nobody should ever mess with Nick Fury.  
  
The last to be brought was a man named Tony Stark. Stuck-up and, in Bucky's opinion, a total asshole, Tony didn't say anything to him the entire time; he just watched him with scrutinizing eyes. Bucky realized with distaste that he hated the man.  
  
"Please tell me there's no more surprise visitors," Bucky begged Steve one day when it was just the two of them.  
  
"Just one more," Steve said, shaking his head.  
  
Bucky groaned and flopped into the nearest chair. "No more."  
  
"Yes, Bucky."  
  
"Noooo," he whined, throwing his head back.  
  
Steve snorted, "You're acting like a child."  
  
"So what?" Bucky retorted. "Its a free country."  
  
Their eyes met and they burst into laughter.  
  
When they finally calmed down, Steve wiped the tears forming in his eyes. "I have one more friend for you to meet. I think you'll love seeing her."  
  
"Her?"  
  
Steve nodded, standing and stretching. "Well, its getting late. I better get back to the tower. See you tomorrow, Bucky?"  
  
"Yeah," Bucky muttered, suddenly downcast. "Tomorrow."  
  
Steve clapped a hand on his best friend's shoulder, and said, "If you remember anything else, you have-"  
  
"The book, I know. Have you found (y/n) yet?"  
  
Steve's eyes gleamed with something Bucky couldn't place, but he only answered, "Get some sleep."  
  
Bucky murmured assent as he watched Steve leave. Sleep? No way.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Morning, Buck-o!" Steve chirped as he came in, closing the door halfway.  
  
"Hey," Bucky sat up straight, groaning. He had been pouring over the files on the Avengers, trying to spark more memories, anything to fill in the random gaps.  
  
"So I told you I have one more visitor for you…" Steve smirked mischievously.  
  
Bucky narrowed his eyes warningly. "Steve…"  
  
Steve backed up to the door and opened it all the way.  
  
Bucky's newest visitor stepped into the room. As Steve had promised, the guest was a female. Her heels clicked on the cold floor, and the sound was all Bucky could register beyond the surprise he felt.  
  
Nervous eyes stared up at him from under dark lashes, and his name formed on her lips. But she didn't call him Bucky.  
  
He stared at her with wonder for a long moment before he could finally speak.  
  
"(Y/n)?"


	4. Chapter 4

"(Y/n)?"  
  
Her (e/c) eyes twinkled as she laughed, "James Buchanan Barnes. I thought I'd seen the last of you, you bastard."  
  
Bucky felt his heart beat faster. "Yeah, so did I for a while there." He paused, realizing she still had her youthful appearance after 70 years. In fact, she hadn't seemed to age a day. "You look the same…"  
  
Her eyes closed briefly as if she had been expecting that. "What can I say? They got me too."  
  
"HYDRA?" Bucky whispered. The girl nodded once. "Oh, no, no."  
  
Steve interjected, "She was captured by HYDRA not long after you were. When she found out that we both disappeared, she joined as a nurse in the 407th infantry. They… experimented on her when they caught her sneaking over enemy lines to try to find us.  
  
"Fury was the one who found her. Turns out he had been trying to recruit her for the past ten years." Steve winked at (y/n), but she just rolled her eyes. "I told you we'd find her."  
  
"How the hell did you get away from HYDRA?" Bucky asked, stepping forward to get a better look at her. Immediately he saw much of her visible body was covered with thin, pink scars. What had they done to her?  
  
(Y/n) shrugged. "Someone bombed the Warsaw facility towards the end of the war; that's where I was. Me and three other girls escaped when the doors to our cells popped open. All the other… experiments stayed where they were and died when the second bomb hit. Snipers shot two of the girls that followed me, Janet and Elizabeth, sometime before we made it to the electric fence. The other, Lacey was her name, got as far as the Polish-German border before they captured her. If HYDRA hasn't killed her by now, she probably wants them to."  
  
"How did you make it back to the States?" Bucky asked incredulously.  
  
"I don't remember much, but somehow I got past the German-French border. They sent me back on a plane for New York. Been in America ever since."  
  
Steve interjected, "When they found me in the Artic, (y/n) here attempted to break into SHIELD-"  
  
"I was arrested," she added indignantly. "And I didn't attempt to break in; I broke in."  
  
"But she caught Fury's eye. He tried to recruit her, but you know how stubborn she is." Steve gently nudged her with his hip. "She didn't agree until you asked about her."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Duh, because I'm stubborn. Get with the program, James." (Y/n) smirked, crossing her arms. Somehow, she looked smaller than she ever had. Something had changed the once confident look in her eyes, and had turned it into hostile distrust; HYDRA had broken her spirit.  
  
"I missed you," Bucky whispered. Her eyes met his and flitted away just as quickly. "I mean it."  
  
"I believe you."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
Steve cleared his throat. "If you guys want some time to catch up, I can go-"  
  
"No, no, I have to get back. Tony wants to show me how to operate the Iron Man suit in case of an emergency," (Y/n) said quickly. She turned back to Bucky. "Good to see you, James."  
  
"Y-yeah. You too," stuttered Bucky. He didn't want her to leave him here, in this cold room, alone.  
  
She turned on her heel, brushing past Steve without another word. The blond man motioned for Bucky to stay where he was, and he followed (y/n). He didn't bother closing the door.  
  
From where he sat, Bucky could hear their conversation.  
  
"What the hell was that?" (Y/n) sounded flustered, and Bucky could picture her face flushed and her hands waving excitedly like she had often done when they argued.  
  
"What?" Steve sounded shocked.  
  
"He's confined to a room? Is he dangerous?"  
  
"No!" Steve paused. "SHIELD thinks he could be."  
  
"Is that why he's being held like a prisoner?"  
  
Steve's voice fell and Bucky couldn't hear his friend's response. He spoke for a full two minutes, explaining something to the girl.  
  
When (y/n) finally spoke, her voice cracked as she said, "I hate this. I hate it so much."  
  
"I know. I hate it too, but its the only way SHEILD will let him stay out of cyro until they think he's ready."  
  
"Until /they/ think he's ready? What about when he's ready?"  
  
Steve sighed. "I'm sure the orders are coming from higher up, but I get mine from SHIELD, and that's what they're saying."  
  
"That's total bullshit. I want him out of that damn room. He doesn't deserve being cooped up like an animal."  
  
"I know."  
  
Bucky bit his lip, deep in thought. SHIELD was the one keeping him here because he was dangerous. What had he done?  
  
Oh, right. The Winter Soldier. How could he forget?  
  
But that wasn't technically his fault, even Fury had said so. He was different now. Why was SHIELD keeping him locked away?  
  
"So why does S.H.I.E.L.D. want him so badly?"  
  
Bucky perked up and listened carefully. He had to strain to hear Steve's quiet response: "I'm supposed to convince him to become an Avenger."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
> 
> Sorry for the cliffhanger, folks (if that's even a cliffhanger I wrote..?) I've updated every chapter with all the edits I've made. Hope its better! Email me at moonkit26@gmail.com if you want to request, talk, or fangirl with me! Please hit kudos (or not, your decision), and comment if you wish to do so!
> 
> Love you!  
> Mo


	5. Chapter 5

Hello, dearest reader! I apologize for being unable to update as often as I'd prefer, but there's been a lot of stuff going on including but not limited to: school, family issues, not having wifi at home, writer's block, and so on and so forth. I've also been in and out of the hospital for the past few weeks, for both myself and a dear friend of mine. To those of you who want more of this story, hit kudos, post a comment, and I will get to you as soon as I can. This story is still in progress, it hasn't been abandond, I just haven't the time nor energy to write recently, but I will get back to it as soon as possible! Don't forget to subscribe. Happy reading!

Love, Mistyshadows (Mo)


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